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bbjim
Sep. 21st, 2008
07:47 pm - Two years?
Ok, so someone recently asked me if it was ok to write about me in their LJ and I thought, when was the last time I wrote. Two years? Holy crap.
Couldn't possibly sum up the last two years.
Still busy with work. It comsumes more of my life then I want it to, but I'm working on that.
I bought a house in NJ. Just about perfect timing in the housing market, bought at the top, just before it crashed! Its a pretty cool space, very big. I've set up some rooms as play spaces, even built a suspension beam in one of them!
Levi and I have been together for over 4 years now, wow! We've gone through a number of transitions, but we have been able to maintain an amazing relationship that isn't dependant on whether we are Daddy/boy, Master/slave, top/bottom, primary/secondary etc.... Somehow we just have a connection that can see past those things, and remains strong even through change. we are currently non-primary boyfriends. I love him dearly, and am so greatful to have him in my life.
Been doing some traveling, and enjoying some events. Got to see M.Blair and the little one this summer. Had a great time at Thunder. And had a really great time at Dark Odyssey.
Aug. 10th, 2006
08:14 pm - Holy Crap an update!!!
Ok, so aparently there it this thing where your friends in LJ can nudge you to update your journal when you haven't updated it in like 47 weeks! Jeez, and it seems like just yesterday I was in Ithaca... Thanks for the nudge wolf_cub :-)
So to sum up the last 47 weeks:
Although we spend little time together, I've had Levi in my heart for the last 47 weeks. We've been going through some rough times and adjustments, but I love him lots, and love sharing my life with him. If you don't know already, we have ended our structured Daddy/boy relationship, and are boyfriends and partners. We're trying to stay open to what is best for us, and not forcing our relationship into a jar that is the wrong shape.
I liked my new job so much I quit after a year and went back to my old job. The work at the old-new job was less rewarding, and now I'm working on some mega projects in Las Vegas and Korea.
Speaking of Korea, I just got back from Korea about a week ago. What a trip. I've never been out of the country, let alone Asia. Unfortunately I had no time to sight-see and all I have are some culinary horror stories which I'll save for my next entry...
Been to a bunch of events in the last 47 weeks. Most notable was the 4 hours I spent at the M/s conference...Congrats to Sir Larry & slave barb on winning the title!!!!
Tesfest was awesome! The event itself was good, but what was better was being in my hometown surrounded by people I know and whose company I enjoy. I made a bunch af great connections and had lots of fun.
Speaking of home town, I just recently (in the last three months) bought a house!! Yay!!! I'm living in Edison NJ now. The place needs lots of work, but is a spacious 3 bedroom with a great yard. I'm hoping to have a housewarming BBQ soon, as I'll never fix up the inside in time enough to have a summer/fall housewarming. Anyone handy with a hammer :-)
Got to go to Thunder a few weeks ago. Great event, although I mostly socialized, and got to visit lots with Mistress Blair, Bevin & the little guy. He is so cute, and just about walking. Watch out!!!
Got to teach a bunch over the year, primarily boots, but some on punching and some on relationships.
Got to visit Sir C recently. Haven't seen her in quite some time, and it was great to visit her, and see her new house.
Well, I'm sure there's much more, but I'll have to write later.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Sep. 6th, 2005
08:35 pm - What, a post? No way!
Yep, I've been so busy, I forgot LJ even existed.
But I got to see a wonderful couple this weekend (cocobuttr & intensebutch) who reminded me I haven't written in four months!
It was a wonderful holiday weekend with my boy levi. We went up to Ithaca and visited the place he calls home. We stayed at a Kinky bed and breakfast, complete with a St Andrews cross in every room, and a dungeon in the basement. Pretty cool. We got to play & fuck lots! We saw some sights, had good food, and spent a wonderful slow paced weekend together. Yum!
Saturday, we had a little play gathering. I got to see cocobuttr & intensebutch play. Wow what an intense bunch, from tickling and laughing to punching and cursing! How much fun!
Anyway, just wanted to write an entry before LJ deleted my account. Hopefully things will slow down at some point, but then I always seem to be saying that :)
May. 13th, 2005
11:24 am - A great weekend?
Last weekend was my boy's birthday, and I was so excited to have him visiting for the weekend. I had lots of things planned, lots of gifts to give him, and looking forward to some QT and fun. The weekend was also going to be a review and update of "The Document" which is not a contract, but a record of thoughts, expectations rules etc... Everything was looking great, we met up for dinner, had some huge mozzarella sticks and headed back to my car to head out to a club for the evening.
Our plans changed drastically at that point...
From a distance, I heard my car alarm going off as it often does when loud trucks pass by. I jokingly said, that's my dam car alarm. As we approached, broken glass on the floor, I realized why the car alarm was going off. Someone had broken into my car, and taken my large black bag. The bag I always pack for weekend trips. The bag that has all my clothes, my toys, my music, my laptop, my phone charger, my jacket, sometimes it has birthday gifts for my boy, sometimes it has mothers day cards, sometimes it's gone! I was so mad I threw my keys into the car, the thought of all the stuff in the bag flashed in my mind. I remembered someone walking past us on the way to the car with a big black bag over his shoulder, was that who took the bag? I ran down the block, looked up and down, didn't see anyone like that. Shit! I saw a cop on a horse, and ran to him to tell him my car got broken into. He grimaced, then his cell phone rang...sir could you excuse me for just a minute....Yeah....yeah.....I think so.......yeah........yeah.........ok....
Well, it was done, nothing in sight, I walked back to my car. My poor boy was still standing there, looking shaken up, saying the cops just came by and left already. I hugged him, and patted his head. I wanted him to not be stressed, it was his birthday weekend for god sakes! Well after a police report, and a drive and walk around looking for a discarded bag with my favorite BDU's and maybe a few personal effects worth nothing to anyone but me, we called it a night, parked the car full of shattered glass in a indoor garage, and headed to the hotel.
As shitty as it was, there was really nothing I could do about it, so why stress over it? We were exhausted, so we went back to the hotel for some relaxation, footrubs, and sex. Not a bad way to end the night!
Saturday morning, we go my car, dropped it off to the shop, and were off to the Museum of Sex. Very interesting exhibits, I would recommend seeing them yourself. After that we went out for dinner and Karaoke with a group of wonderful people. I had a blast, my boy had a blast, and everyone else had a blast. I didn't think about the car once, well ok, I did once when someone walked into the party and said "I had a horrible day" And my response was.....well at least your car didn't get broken into! It's always nice to throw a little Schadenfreude out there when someone is feeling down!
After the senseless eating, drinking, and singing, we went over to paddles & finished off the night with a bang....a few punches.....a few cane strokes......some flogging.....etc.... Ok that wasn't the ending, we went back to the hotel and ended the night correctly. Up for a nice breakfast Sunday morning, and my boy went off to his family to have a birthday dinner.
So anyway, I ended my weekend feeling wonderful, happy, satisfied, relaxed, and thankful. It was a bit of a scary realization, but thinking about the weekend and how I reacted to the events, I realized that no matter how important stuff is to you, it is still just stuff, and you can live without it. What was so much more valuable and important was that I could enjoy the weekend with my boy, and the people I care about.
May. 3rd, 2005
05:12 pm - Is it time yet?
Man I am no good at this LJ stuff! Almost two months since I posted last!
Anyway, a quick synopsis of current events:
Been working at a new job for over a month now, and I'm liking it. I've got reasonable hours, 8hr days to be exact. I'm still adjusting to the people and the way they work here, but Its really nice to feel almost human at work.
Still looking for a house! I've looked at about 30 houses, and none of them are quite right. Still hoping to make my deadline to be in a new place by Fall, and it doesn't look unreasonable yet.
With my new job, I've had time to get back to the gym. About 3 weeks now, I've been back in full swing. It feels great, and I've already broken my best time for a 2 mile run. Not bad!
Been seeing my boy a reasonable amount, but very sporadically. Things are going well although there are growing pains as I'm working on guidelines for service. We've got lots o ffun things planned for the year, including LR and IML in the next few months. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. he'll be in town this weekend, yay!
I haven't been out and about all that much, but have gotten to Paddles here and there, and saw a bunch of people this weekend at MAsT. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with a bunch of people I've not seen in a while.
I did my first class on a topping skill recently - punching. I was pretty nervous (surprise!) but it went really well. It was a blast, and it looked like everyone had lots of fun. I even let the attendees punch me for practice, pretty daring huh?
And that's it folks, see you in another two months!
Mar. 14th, 2005
09:29 pm - First day at a new job
A fresh start, a new environment, a better place? Perhaps, but they nailed me with 12 projects on day one, what is going to happen tomorrow? Ah, I can do it, I just need to keep my focus sharp, and dicipline strong.
Feb. 18th, 2005
06:09 pm - ITS OFFICIAL!
Well, although I made the decision almost a week ago, today I sat down and finalized the details of my new job. YES MY NEW JOB!!!!! I am leaving my company of 7 1/2 years, and moving to a company which promises a better environment, and better opportunity. All I can say is ever since I had the interview, I've been flying high! I have high hopes for this change, and can't wait!
Feb. 11th, 2005
08:48 am - My first rant?
Someone asked me a few provicative questions recently about MAsT, and it bothered me that they saw the group as so restricitve. They found themselves in a crisis because they didn't fit into any of the groups they saw predefined. They were jumping back and forth saying they were a slave, then they were not a slave. Not all that uncommon forsomeone new, but they were having alot of stress about it. Anyway, I thought my response was worth sharing with more than just that person, so I've posted it below.
Although some people get the impression that MAsT is rigid, and one must be a Master or slave, that is not true - at least not for me. I was once a slave to Mistress Blair, (the founder of the MAsT: Metro NY
group). And today, I am proud and confident to call myself a Daddy, and sit in the Master's circle. I am still respected in the group after having made the switch from the slave's circle to the Master's circle. I had lots of anxiety about it, but everyone there was supportive, and I never felt I was doing something that would be frowned apon or would cause me to lose respect. I did it slowly, and that felt right to me.
I believe that no one should feel rejected by MAsT as it is a support group for people who identify as Master/slave, or who are interested in learning about the M/s lifestyle. Many people do identify on one side of the equation, but that side often has many faces. There are Masters, and Doms, and Tops, and Daddies, and Lords in MAsT. No one is any more valid than the other. Definitions are misleading, and two Masters can live by drastically different standards. I tread lightly when using definitions and titles, and when I began identifying the things that rang true to me, I was careful not to give it a rigid definition. After a period of time, I decided to call myself a Daddy. I chose Daddy because in my mind if fit who I was, not the other way around. And it fit the specific situation with my boy, not every situation. I sitll bottom, although very rarely.
There are Master's who like to bottom, and slaves who like to Top. There are Masters who have Owners. Don't limit yourself by what other people are doing or saying. Don't limit yourself period.
Be yourself, be genuine, and you will be respected.
I think one of the greatest things that happened to me was realizing I did not fit what I perceived as others definition of slave. That realization forced me to throw away all the definitions and preconceptions. It forced me to start from scratch and truly define me as me, and not some word I picked out of the dictionary or that was given to me by the community I was part of.
So, my advice to you is to stop putting so much weight on finding your identity as one of the predefined terms you hear in the community. Just explore who you are, and share your passions. Let yourself explore unconditionally, and find what is right for you.
Dec. 27th, 2004
02:42 pm - Christmas cheer
After all the hustle and bustle to get gifts in-between my work and travel schedule I was so glad just to sit still for a few hours here and there for Christmas.
I couldn't wait for my dad to open his gift though, so I gave it to him on Christmas Eve. A new DVD player, and he loved it! He is at the age now that technology is just running away from him, but he was able to handle the basics. I also got him a trial Blockbuster movies in the mail thingy, and he was happy as a clam.
My nephews got a puppy for Christmas, so they could hardly care about the video games I bought them. Oh well, at least I got to play them briefly :) And the puppy was so cute. I got to play with him lots.
After Christmas with the bio family, I got a chance to do Christmas with my boy, and what fun we had! He got me lots of very thoughtful gifts (although I am worried he may have gone over budget!) Funny how I didn't realize the things he would pick up on. They weren't intentional hints, but I guess he knows me enough to read "I wish I had" from me here and there. I was so excited when I opened a set of my favorite bed sheets from Bed Bath and Beyond. Oh how I missed those flannel sheets! And after listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack repeatedly the last time I was in DC, he figured I liked it and burned me a copy! Yay! I liked the fact he cut up the program he got from the show so he could make the CD look "authentic". And a travel fridge for events and road trips! He also got me a few little things, including something I can use to help keep him from snoring :) Hehe...
It was really nice to spend Christmas with my boy. With or without the gifts, it was just so nice. I was so tired though, we just lounged around, slept late and had just enough energy for a light protein breakfast and some stuffin :)
Sunday was a lazy day. My boy and I visited Sir Larry & slave barbara for the afternoon. Oh, and baz too! barb sure can cook, we had a wonderful meal. I ate some whole wheat egg noodles (not bad) and was rewarded with a crazy chocolate cake for desert. We exchanged gifts, and barb loved the T-shirt we got for her. When the boy and I were in Ft Lauderdale for Dungeon, we stopped in the Hustler store and found the pirfect shirt. It says "I Fucked Larry". Very cute.
Dec. 3rd, 2004
12:32 am - Bootblack Roundtable Update - The Eagle
Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that we will be heading over to the Eagle after the Roundtable. They will be opening the doors early for us at 9:00pm. We will have use of the bootblack stand until 12:00. We can practice on each other, on the Eagle customers, etc...
Anyone is welcome at the Eagle even if you don't come to the Roundtable. Just say you are with the Roundtable at the door.
Nov. 24th, 2004
10:24 am - NYC Bootblack Roundtable less than two weeks away!
For those interested, the info is below. Please email me or leave a comment if you think you are going to make it or if you have questions.
4th Annual
NYC Bootblack Roundtable
Saturday December 4th from 1-5pm
@ The LGBT Center at 208 West 13th Street NYC
The Bootblack Roundtable is an annual gathering for bootblacks of all experience levels as well as their admirers. This year the roundtable will be broken into three sections (Basic skills, Intermediate Skills, and Style). There will be demos as well as hands-on learning and plenty of time for questions!
Although each section will have a topic and a knowledgeable facilitator, questions, input, and roundtable discussion is welcome.
Bring your boot kits or whatever supplies (polish, brushes, etc.) you have
and wear your best –or worst- boots!
There will be a short break between each session and refreshments will be served, Discussion topics will include products and techniques, boot blacking as a scene vs service, flirting and flair, etiquette, gender, service, hot stories and horror stories. The roundtable discussion is participant driven, so anything goes – for discussion that is!
The Bootblack Roundtable was founded on the principal of creating a non-competitive atmosphere for boot lovers to get together to share perspective, experience and technique, fostering camaraderie amongst bootblacks and their admirers.
Registration for the full day will be $25 in advance ($30 at the door) and will include a long sleeve Roundtable T-shirt. Individual sections may be attended for $8each, and extra T-shirts will be available for $12.
After the Workshop, we'll go "dutch treat" locally for a bite to eat then to the NYC Eagle for some “field work” where novices will be teamed up with experienced bootblacks to get in some practice!
Check out my livejournal page for updates.
For more info contact jim at d e u d e r @ m a i l . c o m (I've added spaces to combat spammers)
Sep. 28th, 2004
01:39 pm - Bootblacking at Columbia's Conversio Virium
Last night I did presentation on bootblacking at Columbia. It was a great turnout with about 20 people showing up. Although most of the attendees have never heard of bootblacking, there were a few veterans from the presentation I did there in January. Perhaps I've got a bit of a following?
The meeting started out in standard CV form with everyone giving a brief introduction of themselves. The norm was, "hi I'm so-and-so, I'm a first year, and I'm wearing boots." How cool is that? Most people opted to put their big 'ol boots on the table for everyone to see. Yum! There was the occasional "I'm not wearing boots" which was followed by embarrassment. Very cute!
I spent some time talking about the history of bootblacking as I see it from the shine boys of the 20's to the Leather bars of the 70's to the present day explosion of bootblacks in the scene. I talked about what I think makes bootblacking sexy and how to incorporate those things into a boot scene.
The crowd was generally quiet, at times looking a bit dumbfounded. When I asked who was interested in being demo bottom, there were but two volunteers. Suspiciously, these were people who were at my previous presentation. Since I didn't want a mouth full of burning man sand and dust, I opted to do S's boots. They were pretty beat up, likely not cared for since the last time I did them. As I set up to begin my demo, everyone gathered round, some sitting on the table to get a good view. I had a great demo, very hot for me and for some others as I understand it. Gotta say, after the demo everyone seemed abuzz with questions and comments. Apparently a demo is the easiest way for people to "get it." A number of people came up to me after the class and said just that, "I had no idea bootblacking could be so hot." I just love turning people on to my fetish.
After the demo, I did have one woman who wanted her boots done. She seemed so nervous, and almost looked like she was going to change her mind. She was very glad she went through with it though, experiencing her first boot blacking. She had wonderfully thin leather boots, and was able to fully experience the process.
Afterwards, a bunch of us went out for some drinks. I had a great time. What a great group! Thanks for inviting me to speak!
Sep. 23rd, 2004
12:42 pm - Too fast
Things just seem to go to fast, I can't stop the Merry-go-round. I just barely get to see what's in front of me, and then it's gone. I feel like if I don't write about it, the next thing to fill my head squeezes that experience, distorts it, clouds it, and once the memory of that experience is corrupted, it's impossible to record it accurately.
So, I've got lots I'd like to write about. I guess I'll put together bits and pieces, but what’s to come includes my New Orleans trip and Dark Odyssey.
Aug. 23rd, 2004
08:53 am - Nice weekend minus a few broken ribs
What a crazy couple of days, crazy but good.
Thursday night I went to a show at Irving Plaza(Static X & Soil). I was lucky that ltsv had a spare ticket and invited me along. She is very sweet, thanks! We met earlier for dinner and had a chance to chat. It was nice to chat over dinner as opposed to chatting for a few minutes at TES or Paddles. It seems we have lots in common.
The concert was awesome. We had a few drinks and pretty much bounced around the crowd during Soil's performance. There was a pit, but we didn't go there. When Static X came on, the energy of the crowd was so high, it was only a matter of time before I went into the pit. I've not done that in at least 3 years, and I thought that day was over...guess not. I can not describe the fun I had in the pit, it was just amazing. All the energy, dancing, uninhibited fun, and aggression. Unfortunately some people are overzealous, and quite forceful. Needless to say I got blindsided and probably knocked to the floor quite a few times. Eventually I noticed that my ribs were hurting quite a bit, but that didn't stop me from going back in. By the time we left the show and stopped in at 119 Bar for a few final drinks, I knew for sure I had at least one broken rib. Oh well, I had an awesome time nonetheless! The best compliment I got was this teenage kid cominging up to me and saying, "Dude, you're one crazy fucker!"
Friday was Blackout 2 event at the Paradise club. Got to hang with Sir Larry and slave barb. We had fun, a few drinks, some pool, and some pinball. The bar and motel are quite nice. Looks like Asbury Park is on the upswing.
Saturday was Kit's Bday celebration. We went out to Paddles, and saw lots of people since there was a TES party. We had a very nice scene, and got some birthday spanks in, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The scene was very hot, and hopefully there are some marks left today...
Sunday was a hectic day, but turned out nicely. I was suppose to do an interview for a group interested in understanding the BDSM community, but I somehow thought I could drive out to Long Island and back into the city in a total of 2 hours. Turns out 3.5 was more like it, and I missed the interview. Hopefully we can reschedule. Instead, I was treated to a visit with my favorite newlyweds, and some great food at a tropical location on Long Island. It was a short visit, but we caught up some. Hopefully we'll be able to plan a weekend (or weekday) visit sometime soon.
And now its back to the grind. Can't say I'm excited about that, but next week, I have the entire week off for the convention! Unfortunately, I'll need most of that week to work on preparing for my exam in October since I've been slacking off on that.
Well, I think that filled my monthly LJ quota!
Aug. 9th, 2004
03:37 pm - Dark Oddsey Excitement!
Wow, I'm excited about Dark Odyssey. Not only am I going, but I'm on the staff! It's gonna be an awesome time.
Call me lame, or old fashioned or something, but this is the first event I'll be going to where a major focus of the event is SEX. And I mean real sex, not just talking about sex, or trying unsucessfully to get sex, or having an incredibly hot scene in the dungeon, running back to your room to have sex, but then falling asleep. I mean sex, like you can have it anywhere anytime (Except in the dining hall). I think that's cool. And there will be classes on sex too!
But that's not all, it's not all about sex, it is also a lot about spirituality. Ok, so call me crunchy if you like, but I've really been finding a lot of value in exploring my spirituality. I love hearing people talk about SM & spirituality, and connection, and purpose. A lot of my experiences of late cannot be described without acknowledging some spiritual part. Pretty weird huh?
Oh yeah, and there is a lake, and smores, and cabins, and hiking, and stars, and SM, and games, and strip teases.
So anyway, if you are interested, you should check out their website: http://www.darkodyssey.com
Anyone go last year?
Aug. 3rd, 2004
01:24 pm - Still alive here...lots going on
So, for anyone who looks at this thing and is wondering, I am still alive. Thanks for wondering :)
Life is busy, but in a good way. A few tough stints at work, but in general I feel like things are improving somewhat.
I had a wonderful time this weekend at the M/s conference. I saw some amazing presentations, and met some very interesting people. What a great event.
Congratulations to our own Sir Stephen and slave catherine, they are now the 2004 Northeast Master/slave. Yay!
I also had a wonderful time spending the weekend with a very cute and sweet boy. It was a bit odd being at a M/s conference with someone serving me, but it didn't take much to get over that and enjoy. Good job boy.
And for those of you who are paying attention, I am indeed using standard capitalization. It feels a bit weird, but in reflecting where I am right now, it just doesn't seem to make sense to be using lower-case when referring to myself. It's not an indication of my dominance, but more an indication that I do not feel slave/submissive/bottom is a defining identity for me. Does that make sense?
I was a bit weary going to this M/s conference as Jim, and not as a slave, or as a Master. I was very concerned with how people would interact with me, and if they would even want to interact. As usual, I was probably a bit silly to be worried about that. For the mostpart, people were very accepting, and happy to see that I was growing and discovering. The people who really mean something to me have always been supportive. And for those few people who are just ignorant, and cannot accept that I am growing and changing, thats fine. My favorite saying of the weekend was something Master Skip said. Something to the effect of, what you think of me is none of my business.
Jun. 7th, 2004
05:08 pm - Freaky dreams
i've been having these really freeky dreams lately.
Two nights ago, i had this dream i was a prisoner in some military camp. i had no idea why i was there, or where i even was. It was obvious it was a military setting, and there were lots of people in some uniform similar to olive fatigues. Some of them were Asian looking, but i don't think they all were.
The camp seemed pretty lax, i was allowed to wonder around freely, but i knew i was a prisoner. Although i didn't feel it myself, it seemed that the intimidation and fear of our captors was what kept us in line.
At some point i found myself sneaking around, trying to elude the guards. i was successful for a while, but was eventually discovered. In my attempt to run away, i was fired upon by an automatic machine gun. The sensation of being shot was so vivid, and yet so surreal. i felt each and every bullet drive through my body. It didn't kick me back as much as i would have expected, and felt like that clean burning sensation you get when you deeply cut yourself with a sharp knife. Kinda like the nerves were quickly severed and the feeling was not so severe.
Oddly enough, my captors began laughing and indicated that they were using blanks. Very weird.
Next, they got a group of prisoners together and led us to a gate that was a way out of the compound. They indicated, and i say "indicated" because they never spoke, that we were being gathered together to be set free. Unfortunately, when we got to the gate, they shackled us, and drew their weapons. They were going to execute us! A number of the prisoners were pleading for their lives as was i. As they began a countdown, i looked to my fellow prisoners and said "now!" We proceeded to run out the gate to our freedom. For some reason, our captors did not follow. As we were recuperating a short distance from the compound, we saw one of the captors walking the street. He was casually walking, no weapon. It was almost like we were safe because we made it out of the compound.
i seldom remember my dreams, and even less often in such detail. Now how weird is that?
Jun. 2nd, 2004
12:52 pm - Am i a sucker?
Ok, so i had a wonderful weekend at IML, returning yesterday morning and i had to face the big decision whether to leave my job.
i sat down with my boss last week to tell him i was seriously considering leaving. He was shocked, and said that he would do anything in his power to keep me here. He offered more money, and even offered to lift some projects from me. i wasn't impressed enough at the time to stay though.
So on the plane ride home i agonized over the decision. i got into work and was still undecided. i listed all the pros and cons, dollars and hours. The only thing sticking out was the environment change. It was a chance to shake things up, but the outcome was unknown.
So i finally sat down with my boss yesterday and had the discussion again. He pleaded and pleaded for me to stay. He was offering more money, less work, and more vacation. i finally told him...i would stay for 6 months. If things got better for me, i'd stay, if not, i'd start looking again.
So was i a sucker to talk to him about it? i dunno. we'll see.
More on IML later!
May. 26th, 2004
11:56 am - Still no time
Ok not much time here.
Stressed about changing jobs, even if it will be good for me.
i thought i was experienced with Huberds, but Monday night i was shown a new use for it! Very hot.
May. 24th, 2004
01:25 pm - Is this fair?
Ok, so my life has been a living hell for the last three weeks. Primarily because work was throwing 16hr days at me, but that had the snowball effect of my not having time for friends, family, kink, the GYM or me. That really sucked.
So i went on this job interview last Thursday, and the prospects were pretty good, but i didn't put much weight on it.
Then i went to TESFEST on Friday, expecting a nice weekend, kinda like most other events. Some work, some play etc... But i didn't put much weight on it.
And then it began...
TESFEST turned out to be one of the most amazing events i've attended. Not only was the event well run, lots of fun, and a great success, but i made two very special connections there. Sure our play was planned ahead, but the outcome was far from planned or expected. It was mesmerizing. i was buzzing the whole weekend, and i kept asking myself, is it fair for me to be having so much fun?
It was not until Sunday night(Mon Morning) at about 12:30am did i begin to dread going back to my alternate reality. So, i woke up late for work. i just couldn't get myself in gear to do something i have come to utterly hate. But shortly into my day, i had a conversation with the gentleman from the company i interviewed with. Apparently they were very impressed with me, and offered me more salary, and an up-front bonus. And, the hours are much less demanding then my current job. Score! So i've been killing myself for the past six months, and now this comes along. Is it fair?
Well, i don't really know if it is fair, i just know i am lucky to have these opportunities, and am glad i was strong enough to hold on for them. Unfortunately not everyone is as lucky. One close friend of mine had to have immediate surgery this weekend after finding a large gall stone in her system, and another good friend of mine had her partner end up in intensive care in the hospital as a sudden and yet unidentified illness struck, and another very good friend of mine was in a car accident. Bad news in threes? i don't know. Has the positive energy of the universe shifted towards me and away from the others? i sure hope not. i'd give up my good fortune in a heartbeat to be able to heal my friends. my best wishes go out to you, and i am here for you if you need anything.
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