bbjim

Two years?

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 23:56:36 GMT

Ok, so someone recently asked me if it was ok to write about me in their LJ and I thought, when was the last time I wrote. Two years? Holy crap.

Couldn't possibly sum up the last two years.

Still busy with work. It comsumes more of my life then I want it to, but I'm working on that.

I bought a house in NJ. Just about perfect timing in the housing market, bought at the top, just before it crashed! Its a pretty cool space, very big. I've set up some rooms as play spaces, even built a suspension beam in one of them!

Levi and I have been together for over 4 years now, wow! We've gone through a number of transitions, but we have been able to maintain an amazing relationship that isn't dependant on whether we are Daddy/boy, Master/slave, top/bottom, primary/secondary etc.... Somehow we just have a connection that can see past those things, and remains strong even through change. we are currently non-primary boyfriends. I love him dearly, and am so greatful to have him in my life.

Been doing some traveling, and enjoying some events. Got to see M.Blair and the little one this summer. Had a great time at Thunder. And had a really great time at Dark Odyssey.

Holy Crap an update!!!

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:32:50 GMT

Ok, so aparently there it this thing where your friends in LJ can nudge you to update your journal when you haven't updated it in like 47 weeks! Jeez, and it seems like just yesterday I was in Ithaca... Thanks for the nudge wolf_cub :-)

So to sum up the last 47 weeks:

Although we spend little time together, I've had Levi in my heart for the last 47 weeks. We've been going through some rough times and adjustments, but I love him lots, and love sharing my life with him. If you don't know already, we have ended our structured Daddy/boy relationship, and are boyfriends and partners. We're trying to stay open to what is best for us, and not forcing our relationship into a jar that is the wrong shape.

I liked my new job so much I quit after a year and went back to my old job. The work at the old-new job was less rewarding, and now I'm working on some mega projects in Las Vegas and Korea.

Speaking of Korea, I just got back from Korea about a week ago. What a trip. I've never been out of the country, let alone Asia. Unfortunately I had no time to sight-see and all I have are some culinary horror stories which I'll save for my next entry...

Been to a bunch of events in the last 47 weeks. Most notable was the 4 hours I spent at the M/s conference...Congrats to Sir Larry & slave barb on winning the title!!!!

Tesfest was awesome! The event itself was good, but what was better was being in my hometown surrounded by people I know and whose company I enjoy. I made a bunch af great connections and had lots of fun.

Speaking of home town, I just recently (in the last three months) bought a house!! Yay!!! I'm living in Edison NJ now. The place needs lots of work, but is a spacious 3 bedroom with a great yard. I'm hoping to have a housewarming BBQ soon, as I'll never fix up the inside in time enough to have a summer/fall housewarming. Anyone handy with a hammer :-)

Got to go to Thunder a few weeks ago. Great event, although I mostly socialized, and got to visit lots with Mistress Blair, Bevin & the little guy. He is so cute, and just about walking. Watch out!!!

Got to teach a bunch over the year, primarily boots, but some on punching and some on relationships.

Got to visit Sir C recently. Haven't seen her in quite some time, and it was great to visit her, and see her new house.

Well, I'm sure there's much more, but I'll have to write later.

Hope everyone is doing well!

What, a post? No way!

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 00:40:29 GMT

Yep, I've been so busy, I forgot LJ even existed.

But I got to see a wonderful couple this weekend (cocobuttr & intensebutch) who reminded me I haven't written in four months!

It was a wonderful holiday weekend with my boy levi. We went up to Ithaca and visited the place he calls home. We stayed at a Kinky bed and breakfast, complete with a St Andrews cross in every room, and a dungeon in the basement. Pretty cool. We got to play & fuck lots! We saw some sights, had good food, and spent a wonderful slow paced weekend together. Yum!

Saturday, we had a little play gathering. I got to see cocobuttr & intensebutch play. Wow what an intense bunch, from tickling and laughing to punching and cursing! How much fun!

Anyway, just wanted to write an entry before LJ deleted my account. Hopefully things will slow down at some point, but then I always seem to be saying that :)

A great weekend?

Fri, 13 May 2005 15:46:07 GMT

Last weekend was my boy's birthday, and I was so excited to have him visiting for the weekend. I had lots of things planned, lots of gifts to give him, and looking forward to some QT and fun. The weekend was also going to be a review and update of "The Document" which is not a contract, but a record of thoughts, expectations rules etc... Everything was looking great, we met up for dinner, had some huge mozzarella sticks and headed back to my car to head out to a club for the evening.

Our plans changed drastically at that point...

From a distance, I heard my car alarm going off as it often does when loud trucks pass by. I jokingly said, that's my dam car alarm. As we approached, broken glass on the floor, I realized why the car alarm was going off. Someone had broken into my car, and taken my large black bag. The bag I always pack for weekend trips. The bag that has all my clothes, my toys, my music, my laptop, my phone charger, my jacket, sometimes it has birthday gifts for my boy, sometimes it has mothers day cards, sometimes it's gone! I was so mad I threw my keys into the car, the thought of all the stuff in the bag flashed in my mind. I remembered someone walking past us on the way to the car with a big black bag over his shoulder, was that who took the bag? I ran down the block, looked up and down, didn't see anyone like that. Shit! I saw a cop on a horse, and ran to him to tell him my car got broken into. He grimaced, then his cell phone rang...sir could you excuse me for just a minute....Yeah....yeah.....I think so.......yeah........yeah.........ok........maybe.....yeah. Fucking cops, what the hell is up with that? I said fuck it and ran up and down the block until I was tired, which didn't take long since I was wearing my boots.

Well, it was done, nothing in sight, I walked back to my car. My poor boy was still standing there, looking shaken up, saying the cops just came by and left already. I hugged him, and patted his head. I wanted him to not be stressed, it was his birthday weekend for god sakes! Well after a police report, and a drive and walk around looking for a discarded bag with my favorite BDU's and maybe a few personal effects worth nothing to anyone but me, we called it a night, parked the car full of shattered glass in a indoor garage, and headed to the hotel.

As shitty as it was, there was really nothing I could do about it, so why stress over it? We were exhausted, so we went back to the hotel for some relaxation, footrubs, and sex. Not a bad way to end the night!

Saturday morning, we go my car, dropped it off to the shop, and were off to the Museum of Sex. Very interesting exhibits, I would recommend seeing them yourself. After that we went out for dinner and Karaoke with a group of wonderful people. I had a blast, my boy had a blast, and everyone else had a blast. I didn't think about the car once, well ok, I did once when someone walked into the party and said "I had a horrible day" And my response was.....well at least your car didn't get broken into! It's always nice to throw a little Schadenfreude out there when someone is feeling down!

After the senseless eating, drinking, and singing, we went over to paddles & finished off the night with a bang....a few punches.....a few cane strokes......some flogging.....etc.... Ok that wasn't the ending, we went back to the hotel and ended the night correctly. Up for a nice breakfast Sunday morning, and my boy went off to his family to have a birthday dinner.

So anyway, I ended my weekend feeling wonderful, happy, satisfied, relaxed, and thankful. It was a bit of a scary realization, but thinking about the weekend and how I reacted to the events, I realized that no matter how important stuff is to you, it is still just stuff, and you can live without it. What was so much more valuable and important was that I could enjoy the weekend with my boy, and the people I care about.

Is it time yet?

Tue, 03 May 2005 21:19:37 GMT

Man I am no good at this LJ stuff! Almost two months since I posted last!

Anyway, a quick synopsis of current events:

Been working at a new job for over a month now, and I'm liking it. I've got reasonable hours, 8hr days to be exact. I'm still adjusting to the people and the way they work here, but Its really nice to feel almost human at work.

Still looking for a house! I've looked at about 30 houses, and none of them are quite right. Still hoping to make my deadline to be in a new place by Fall, and it doesn't look unreasonable yet.

With my new job, I've had time to get back to the gym. About 3 weeks now, I've been back in full swing. It feels great, and I've already broken my best time for a 2 mile run. Not bad!

Been seeing my boy a reasonable amount, but very sporadically. Things are going well although there are growing pains as I'm working on guidelines for service. We've got lots o ffun things planned for the year, including LR and IML in the next few months. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. he'll be in town this weekend, yay!

I haven't been out and about all that much, but have gotten to Paddles here and there, and saw a bunch of people this weekend at MAsT. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with a bunch of people I've not seen in a while.

I did my first class on a topping skill recently - punching. I was pretty nervous (surprise!) but it went really well. It was a blast, and it looked like everyone had lots of fun. I even let the attendees punch me for practice, pretty daring huh?

And that's it folks, see you in another two months!

First day at a new job

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 02:40:07 GMT

A fresh start, a new environment, a better place? Perhaps, but they nailed me with 12 projects on day one, what is going to happen tomorrow? Ah, I can do it, I just need to keep my focus sharp, and dicipline strong.

ITS OFFICIAL!

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 23:13:20 GMT

Well, although I made the decision almost a week ago, today I sat down and finalized the details of my new job. YES MY NEW JOB!!!!! I am leaving my company of 7 1/2 years, and moving to a company which promises a better environment, and better opportunity. All I can say is ever since I had the interview, I've been flying high! I have high hopes for this change, and can't wait!

My first rant?

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 13:55:28 GMT

Someone asked me a few provicative questions recently about MAsT, and it bothered me that they saw the group as so restricitve. They found themselves in a crisis because they didn't fit into any of the groups they saw predefined. They were jumping back and forth saying they were a slave, then they were not a slave. Not all that uncommon forsomeone new, but they were having alot of stress about it. Anyway, I thought my response was worth sharing with more than just that person, so I've posted it below.

Although some people get the impression that MAsT is rigid, and one must be a Master or slave, that is not true - at least not for me. I was once a slave to Mistress Blair, (the founder of the MAsT: Metro NY
group). And today, I am proud and confident to call myself a Daddy, and sit in the Master's circle. I am still respected in the group after having made the switch from the slave's circle to the Master's circle. I had lots of anxiety about it, but everyone there was supportive, and I never felt I was doing something that would be frowned apon or would cause me to lose respect. I did it slowly, and that felt right to me.

I believe that no one should feel rejected by MAsT as it is a support group for people who identify as Master/slave, or who are interested in learning about the M/s lifestyle. Many people do identify on one side of the equation, but that side often has many faces. There are Masters, and Doms, and Tops, and Daddies, and Lords in MAsT. No one is any more valid than the other. Definitions are misleading, and two Masters can live by drastically different standards. I tread lightly when using definitions and titles, and when I began identifying the things that rang true to me, I was careful not to give it a rigid definition. After a period of time, I decided to call myself a Daddy. I chose Daddy because in my mind if fit who I was, not the other way around. And it fit the specific situation with my boy, not every situation. I sitll bottom, although very rarely.

There are Master's who like to bottom, and slaves who like to Top. There are Masters who have Owners. Don't limit yourself by what other people are doing or saying. Don't limit yourself period.
Be yourself, be genuine, and you will be respected.

I think one of the greatest things that happened to me was realizing I did not fit what I perceived as others definition of slave. That realization forced me to throw away all the definitions and preconceptions. It forced me to start from scratch and truly define me as me, and not some word I picked out of the dictionary or that was given to me by the community I was part of.

So, my advice to you is to stop putting so much weight on finding your identity as one of the predefined terms you hear in the community. Just explore who you are, and share your passions. Let yourself explore unconditionally, and find what is right for you.

Christmas cheer

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 20:12:48 GMT

After all the hustle and bustle to get gifts in-between my work and travel schedule I was so glad just to sit still for a few hours here and there for Christmas.

I couldn't wait for my dad to open his gift though, so I gave it to him on Christmas Eve. A new DVD player, and he loved it! He is at the age now that technology is just running away from him, but he was able to handle the basics. I also got him a trial Blockbuster movies in the mail thingy, and he was happy as a clam.

My nephews got a puppy for Christmas, so they could hardly care about the video games I bought them. Oh well, at least I got to play them briefly :) And the puppy was so cute. I got to play with him lots.

After Christmas with the bio family, I got a chance to do Christmas with my boy, and what fun we had! He got me lots of very thoughtful gifts (although I am worried he may have gone over budget!) Funny how I didn't realize the things he would pick up on. They weren't intentional hints, but I guess he knows me enough to read "I wish I had" from me here and there. I was so excited when I opened a set of my favorite bed sheets from Bed Bath and Beyond. Oh how I missed those flannel sheets! And after listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack repeatedly the last time I was in DC, he figured I liked it and burned me a copy! Yay! I liked the fact he cut up the program he got from the show so he could make the CD look "authentic". And a travel fridge for events and road trips! He also got me a few little things, including something I can use to help keep him from snoring :) Hehe...

It was really nice to spend Christmas with my boy. With or without the gifts, it was just so nice. I was so tired though, we just lounged around, slept late and had just enough energy for a light protein breakfast and some stuffin :)

Sunday was a lazy day. My boy and I visited Sir Larry & slave barbara for the afternoon. Oh, and baz too! barb sure can cook, we had a wonderful meal. I ate some whole wheat egg noodles (not bad) and was rewarded with a crazy chocolate cake for desert. We exchanged gifts, and barb loved the T-shirt we got for her. When the boy and I were in Ft Lauderdale for Dungeon, we stopped in the Hustler store and found the pirfect shirt. It says "I Fucked Larry". Very cute.

Bootblack Roundtable Update - The Eagle

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 05:59:59 GMT

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that we will be heading over to the Eagle after the Roundtable. They will be opening the doors early for us at 9:00pm. We will have use of the bootblack stand until 12:00. We can practice on each other, on the Eagle customers, etc...

Anyone is welcome at the Eagle even if you don't come to the Roundtable. Just say you are with the Roundtable at the door.

NYC Bootblack Roundtable less than two weeks away!

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 15:31:02 GMT

For those interested, the info is below. Please email me or leave a comment if you think you are going to make it or if you have questions.

4th Annual
NYC Bootblack Roundtable

Saturday December 4th from 1-5pm
@ The LGBT Center at 208 West 13th Street NYC

The Bootblack Roundtable is an annual gathering for bootblacks of all experience levels as well as their admirers. This year the roundtable will be broken into three sections (Basic skills, Intermediate Skills, and Style). There will be demos as well as hands-on learning and plenty of time for questions!

Although each section will have a topic and a knowledgeable facilitator, questions, input, and roundtable discussion is welcome.

Bring your boot kits or whatever supplies (polish, brushes, etc.) you have
and wear your best –or worst- boots!

There will be a short break between each session and refreshments will be served, Discussion topics will include products and techniques, boot blacking as a scene vs service, flirting and flair, etiquette, gender, service, hot stories and horror stories. The roundtable discussion is participant driven, so anything goes – for discussion that is!

The Bootblack Roundtable was founded on the principal of creating a non-competitive atmosphere for boot lovers to get together to share perspective, experience and technique, fostering camaraderie amongst bootblacks and their admirers.

Registration for the full day will be $25 in advance ($30 at the door) and will include a long sleeve Roundtable T-shirt. Individual sections may be attended for $8each, and extra T-shirts will be available for $12.

After the Workshop, we'll go "dutch treat" locally for a bite to eat then to the NYC Eagle for some “field work” where novices will be teamed up with experienced bootblacks to get in some practice!
Check out my livejournal page for updates.

For more info contact jim at d e u d e r @ m a i l . c o m (I've added spaces to combat spammers)

Bootblacking at Columbia's Conversio Virium

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 18:13:43 GMT

Last night I did presentation on bootblacking at Columbia. It was a great turnout with about 20 people showing up. Although most of the attendees have never heard of bootblacking, there were a few veterans from the presentation I did there in January. Perhaps I've got a bit of a following?

The meeting started out in standard CV form with everyone giving a brief introduction of themselves. The norm was, "hi I'm so-and-so, I'm a first year, and I'm wearing boots." How cool is that? Most people opted to put their big 'ol boots on the table for everyone to see. Yum! There was the occasional "I'm not wearing boots" which was followed by embarrassment. Very cute!

I spent some time talking about the history of bootblacking as I see it from the shine boys of the 20's to the Leather bars of the 70's to the present day explosion of bootblacks in the scene. I talked about what I think makes bootblacking sexy and how to incorporate those things into a boot scene.

The crowd was generally quiet, at times looking a bit dumbfounded. When I asked who was interested in being demo bottom, there were but two volunteers. Suspiciously, these were people who were at my previous presentation. Since I didn't want a mouth full of burning man sand and dust, I opted to do S's boots. They were pretty beat up, likely not cared for since the last time I did them. As I set up to begin my demo, everyone gathered round, some sitting on the table to get a good view. I had a great demo, very hot for me and for some others as I understand it. Gotta say, after the demo everyone seemed abuzz with questions and comments. Apparently a demo is the easiest way for people to "get it." A number of people came up to me after the class and said just that, "I had no idea bootblacking could be so hot." I just love turning people on to my fetish.

After the demo, I did have one woman who wanted her boots done. She seemed so nervous, and almost looked like she was going to change her mind. She was very glad she went through with it though, experiencing her first boot blacking. She had wonderfully thin leather boots, and was able to fully experience the process.

Afterwards, a bunch of us went out for some drinks. I had a great time. What a great group! Thanks for inviting me to speak!

Nice weekend minus a few broken ribs

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 13:28:40 GMT

What a crazy couple of days, crazy but good.

Thursday night I went to a show at Irving Plaza(Static X & Soil). I was lucky that ltsv had a spare ticket and invited me along. She is very sweet, thanks! We met earlier for dinner and had a chance to chat. It was nice to chat over dinner as opposed to chatting for a few minutes at TES or Paddles. It seems we have lots in common.

The concert was awesome. We had a few drinks and pretty much bounced around the crowd during Soil's performance. There was a pit, but we didn't go there. When Static X came on, the energy of the crowd was so high, it was only a matter of time before I went into the pit. I've not done that in at least 3 years, and I thought that day was over...guess not. I can not describe the fun I had in the pit, it was just amazing. All the energy, dancing, uninhibited fun, and aggression. Unfortunately some people are overzealous, and quite forceful. Needless to say I got blindsided and probably knocked to the floor quite a few times. Eventually I noticed that my ribs were hurting quite a bit, but that didn't stop me from going back in. By the time we left the show and stopped in at 119 Bar for a few final drinks, I knew for sure I had at least one broken rib. Oh well, I had an awesome time nonetheless! The best compliment I got was this teenage kid cominging up to me and saying, "Dude, you're one crazy fucker!"

Friday was Blackout 2 event at the Paradise club. Got to hang with Sir Larry and slave barb. We had fun, a few drinks, some pool, and some pinball. The bar and motel are quite nice. Looks like Asbury Park is on the upswing.

Saturday was Kit's Bday celebration. We went out to Paddles, and saw lots of people since there was a TES party. We had a very nice scene, and got some birthday spanks in, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The scene was very hot, and hopefully there are some marks left today...

Sunday was a hectic day, but turned out nicely. I was suppose to do an interview for a group interested in understanding the BDSM community, but I somehow thought I could drive out to Long Island and back into the city in a total of 2 hours. Turns out 3.5 was more like it, and I missed the interview. Hopefully we can reschedule. Instead, I was treated to a visit with my favorite newlyweds, and some great food at a tropical location on Long Island. It was a short visit, but we caught up some. Hopefully we'll be able to plan a weekend (or weekday) visit sometime soon.

And now its back to the grind. Can't say I'm excited about that, but next week, I have the entire week off for the convention! Unfortunately, I'll need most of that week to work on preparing for my exam in October since I've been slacking off on that.

Well, I think that filled my monthly LJ quota!

Dark Oddsey Excitement!

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 19:56:16 GMT

Wow, I'm excited about Dark Odyssey. Not only am I going, but I'm on the staff! It's gonna be an awesome time.

Call me lame, or old fashioned or something, but this is the first event I'll be going to where a major focus of the event is SEX. And I mean real sex, not just talking about sex, or trying unsucessfully to get sex, or having an incredibly hot scene in the dungeon, running back to your room to have sex, but then falling asleep. I mean sex, like you can have it anywhere anytime (Except in the dining hall). I think that's cool. And there will be classes on sex too!

But that's not all, it's not all about sex, it is also a lot about spirituality. Ok, so call me crunchy if you like, but I've really been finding a lot of value in exploring my spirituality. I love hearing people talk about SM & spirituality, and connection, and purpose. A lot of my experiences of late cannot be described without acknowledging some spiritual part. Pretty weird huh?

Oh yeah, and there is a lake, and smores, and cabins, and hiking, and stars, and SM, and games, and strip teases.

So anyway, if you are interested, you should check out their website: http://www.darkodyssey.com

Anyone go last year?

Still alive here...lots going on

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 17:46:06 GMT

So, for anyone who looks at this thing and is wondering, I am still alive. Thanks for wondering :)

Life is busy, but in a good way. A few tough stints at work, but in general I feel like things are improving somewhat.

I had a wonderful time this weekend at the M/s conference. I saw some amazing presentations, and met some very interesting people. What a great event.
Congratulations to our own Sir Stephen and slave catherine, they are now the 2004 Northeast Master/slave. Yay!

I also had a wonderful time spending the weekend with a very cute and sweet boy. It was a bit odd being at a M/s conference with someone serving me, but it didn't take much to get over that and enjoy. Good job boy.

And for those of you who are paying attention, I am indeed using standard capitalization. It feels a bit weird, but in reflecting where I am right now, it just doesn't seem to make sense to be using lower-case when referring to myself. It's not an indication of my dominance, but more an indication that I do not feel slave/submissive/bottom is a defining identity for me. Does that make sense?

I was a bit weary going to this M/s conference as Jim, and not as a slave, or as a Master. I was very concerned with how people would interact with me, and if they would even want to interact. As usual, I was probably a bit silly to be worried about that. For the mostpart, people were very accepting, and happy to see that I was growing and discovering. The people who really mean something to me have always been supportive. And for those few people who are just ignorant, and cannot accept that I am growing and changing, thats fine. My favorite saying of the weekend was something Master Skip said. Something to the effect of, what you think of me is none of my business.

Freaky dreams

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 21:24:54 GMT

i've been having these really freeky dreams lately.

Two nights ago, i had this dream i was a prisoner in some military camp. i had no idea why i was there, or where i even was. It was obvious it was a military setting, and there were lots of people in some uniform similar to olive fatigues. Some of them were Asian looking, but i don't think they all were.

The camp seemed pretty lax, i was allowed to wonder around freely, but i knew i was a prisoner. Although i didn't feel it myself, it seemed that the intimidation and fear of our captors was what kept us in line.

At some point i found myself sneaking around, trying to elude the guards. i was successful for a while, but was eventually discovered. In my attempt to run away, i was fired upon by an automatic machine gun. The sensation of being shot was so vivid, and yet so surreal. i felt each and every bullet drive through my body. It didn't kick me back as much as i would have expected, and felt like that clean burning sensation you get when you deeply cut yourself with a sharp knife. Kinda like the nerves were quickly severed and the feeling was not so severe.

Oddly enough, my captors began laughing and indicated that they were using blanks. Very weird.

Next, they got a group of prisoners together and led us to a gate that was a way out of the compound. They indicated, and i say "indicated" because they never spoke, that we were being gathered together to be set free. Unfortunately, when we got to the gate, they shackled us, and drew their weapons. They were going to execute us! A number of the prisoners were pleading for their lives as was i. As they began a countdown, i looked to my fellow prisoners and said "now!" We proceeded to run out the gate to our freedom. For some reason, our captors did not follow. As we were recuperating a short distance from the compound, we saw one of the captors walking the street. He was casually walking, no weapon. It was almost like we were safe because we made it out of the compound.

i seldom remember my dreams, and even less often in such detail. Now how weird is that?

Am i a sucker?

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 17:00:07 GMT

Ok, so i had a wonderful weekend at IML, returning yesterday morning and i had to face the big decision whether to leave my job.

i sat down with my boss last week to tell him i was seriously considering leaving. He was shocked, and said that he would do anything in his power to keep me here. He offered more money, and even offered to lift some projects from me. i wasn't impressed enough at the time to stay though.

So on the plane ride home i agonized over the decision. i got into work and was still undecided. i listed all the pros and cons, dollars and hours. The only thing sticking out was the environment change. It was a chance to shake things up, but the outcome was unknown.

So i finally sat down with my boss yesterday and had the discussion again. He pleaded and pleaded for me to stay. He was offering more money, less work, and more vacation. i finally told him...i would stay for 6 months. If things got better for me, i'd stay, if not, i'd start looking again.

So was i a sucker to talk to him about it? i dunno. we'll see.

More on IML later!

Still no time

Wed, 26 May 2004 15:58:54 GMT

Ok not much time here.

Stressed about changing jobs, even if it will be good for me.

i thought i was experienced with Huberds, but Monday night i was shown a new use for it! Very hot.

Is this fair?

Mon, 24 May 2004 18:01:44 GMT

Ok, so my life has been a living hell for the last three weeks. Primarily because work was throwing 16hr days at me, but that had the snowball effect of my not having time for friends, family, kink, the GYM or me. That really sucked.

So i went on this job interview last Thursday, and the prospects were pretty good, but i didn't put much weight on it.

Then i went to TESFEST on Friday, expecting a nice weekend, kinda like most other events. Some work, some play etc... But i didn't put much weight on it.

And then it began...

TESFEST turned out to be one of the most amazing events i've attended. Not only was the event well run, lots of fun, and a great success, but i made two very special connections there. Sure our play was planned ahead, but the outcome was far from planned or expected. It was mesmerizing. i was buzzing the whole weekend, and i kept asking myself, is it fair for me to be having so much fun?

It was not until Sunday night(Mon Morning) at about 12:30am did i begin to dread going back to my alternate reality. So, i woke up late for work. i just couldn't get myself in gear to do something i have come to utterly hate. But shortly into my day, i had a conversation with the gentleman from the company i interviewed with. Apparently they were very impressed with me, and offered me more salary, and an up-front bonus. And, the hours are much less demanding then my current job. Score! So i've been killing myself for the past six months, and now this comes along. Is it fair?

Well, i don't really know if it is fair, i just know i am lucky to have these opportunities, and am glad i was strong enough to hold on for them. Unfortunately not everyone is as lucky. One close friend of mine had to have immediate surgery this weekend after finding a large gall stone in her system, and another good friend of mine had her partner end up in intensive care in the hospital as a sudden and yet unidentified illness struck, and another very good friend of mine was in a car accident. Bad news in threes? i don't know. Has the positive energy of the universe shifted towards me and away from the others? i sure hope not. i'd give up my good fortune in a heartbeat to be able to heal my friends. my best wishes go out to you, and i am here for you if you need anything.

Keeping in touch

Sat, 15 May 2004 06:55:14 GMT

Had two people today comment about my not keeping in touch. i suppose it was only a matter of time. It just seems so hard to keep in touch with people when life is as crazy as it is now. Then i'm one to feel like people aren't interested in talking if they haven't contacted me either. i dunno.

Just looked at some pics that MB wants to put up on Her site. i'm still iffy about the whole being out thing. i'm already half out there, but i'm also still half in. It kinda sucks being in limbo.

For those of you who know him, check out Sir Larry's site, its pretty cool. WWW.SirLarry.com

Sleep, what's that.

Fri, 14 May 2004 04:26:34 GMT

Ya know, one of my favorite things in this world is sleep and i'm really missing it. Another late night at the office, but the good news is that i made it to the gym today. A medium workout, but not bad since i've not been in like two weeks. Now all i have to do is keep it going...every day, otherwise i'll have to answer to Sir Larry :P

Tomorrow will be a long day, but i'm looking forward to the weekend. The 4 hour drive to Amherst isn't going to be that great, but at least it looks like i'll have company.

Talked to MB today. i feel like We've drifted so far apart, i really hate it. It was nice to talk to Her though.

Anyone know any bootblacks that might want to black at TESfest? i've got a couple, but could use more.

Anyway, back to the grind(not the bump and grind)!

From a great vacation to a great debacle!

Thu, 13 May 2004 03:08:00 GMT

i had an awesome time in Oakland now almost two weeks ago. my gracious host was wonderful, cooking breakfast, chauffeuring me around, providing some great play and great company. we went to Muir Woods, Monterey Aquarium, Mr.s, Stompers and the power exchange.

i bought a really cool gas mask at Mr. S, but everything else there was way too expensive, so i made a deal with my host to come back and raid the place when one of us wins the lottery! i got a yummy pair of gloves at Stompers, and got to try them out that night. What can i say, i like leather gloves...

The power exchange was an awesome space. It was two huge, and i mean huge floors. The spaces were able to be closed off, and equipment was very cool. Of course i had a bit of my germ phobia, but impressed nonetheless. Unfortunately the customers were all posers, no real players. i had one guy brag to me that he was on HBO, how funny now that i realize that anyone who was at Paddles could have been on HBO right? i also had one completely rude woman grab my arm during my scene, and then later asked of she could pinch my bottom's nipples. i almost whacked her!

i had an awesome scene...yes i was topping. It was a pretty simple flogging scene, but i sure had a range of floggers to choose from. From suede to bull, to rubber, to heavier rubber. we went through such a wonderful journey, from yelping, to screaming, from rage to laughter, to tears. It just amazes me how these things are experienced from the Top side. i might just be getting addicted. i particularlly enjoyed the little "bishop" flail. It looks so harmless, yet she says it was the most painful. She was climbing up the chain web with that one, very funny kitty.

And then, i came home to hell! The worst week of work i could imagine. Emergencies, late hours, no sleep, no gym, no jim, agrhhhh! i must surely have quite the masochist in me.

Today, things are a bit better, but still on the hectic side. It sucks to realize i've been out of touch with my friends, and off the face of the earth to some extent. Sorry guys. Wish i was hanging out more!

Well, this weekend it's off to Northampton for a graduation party! Should be a nice time. i've not seen my buds up there in a while (no pun intended...but funny anyway!)

Soon..Sunny California

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 16:19:14 GMT

Can't wait to get the hell out of here (work) and head out to California. i'll be visiting with my "boot partner in crime" until Monday. Mr.S, Daddy's, Monterey, redwoods, clean sand and warm ocean breeze! Ahh, did i mention i can't wait?

i've got a 8pm flight out, and i'm wrapping up at work right now. Am i a freak for going into work today - rhetorical question!

Catching up

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 02:34:31 GMT

Work has really sucked ass recently. i've gone from 12hr days to 16hr days. Ugh!!!

i went to ABW two weekends ago and had a great time. i've written a little summary below.

Although i worked both Saturday and Sunday this past weekend, i did get a chance to hang out Friday night with the rope maven, country girl, the foot lady and mr Kamikaze (Sorry guys for the names, hehe). We hung out at the remote lounge, had quite a few drinks. i got to watch the rope maven and the foot lady make out, it was hot. Then the foot lady and mr kamikaze got into it biting each other. Our station phone was ringing off the hook. i spent like a half hour trying to explain to some girl why people enjoy biting each other haha!

Not one person called to talk to me :( Sometimes i'm mr popular, and sometimes i'm mr invisible. i blame it on the primarily straight venue. i feel so much more loved in queer venues! So i didn't see any action that night, but i had lots of fun!

Anyway, back to ABW. This was my first year at ABW. It was an interesting event. Very focused on community and socializing. There were no classes or public dungeon parties.

i spent lots of time with the bootblacks, which was one of my main goals. Unfortunately i didn’t get to actually bootblack too much though :( i did get to do a certain hottie's pants though. OMG, it was so hot. After cleaning her pants, i got to cover her entire leather cladded lower body with my tongue...oh so hot. And then i had to condition them with Huberds grease, working the grease into the leather with my hands, massaging her thighs, ahhhhh.

i met a few new people and saw lots of old friends. i met a few really cute boys(trans) and got to see one of the boys that was at my workshop back in NY. i didn't get to play with any of them, but we did set up the possibility of some future play. Perhaps even at TESfest! Nothing is set in stone, but we did hint at a possible boot double team...yum!

The vending area was unexciting, but that seems to be the norm for me now. The event supplied all my meals. i went to a breakfast, dinner schedule with lots of cocktails in between!

Friday night i headed over to the Crucible. i had high hopes for the party there since it was the only public party in town. i was a bit stunned to see that there was pretty much no one there. i just hung out lots with the boys.

Saturday night was much better for play. i went to a small gathering in a hotel room. i was a bit stunned to see that i didn't know anyone there when i arrived. The people were nice enough though, introducing themselves & subsequently asking me if i wanted to play. Being a bit uncomfortable in new situations like that i decided to just sit back and watch some.

The host made a few comments about how much he needed to play as he was in service
to one of the contestants and was running around all day. i decided to play with him.

We did some punching first. i put on my Damascus leather search gloves, and warmed him up with some light blows. my punching was very rhythmic although the music playing was not in sync with the rhythm in my head. i focused almost entirely
on his pecs, very yummy! i varied the intensity, building up and backing off, and ending the rhythm with a few hard blows. Continuing this for some time, his chest became very tender. Next i switched to some rabbit punches with my knuckles protruding. The focused impact had him howling in seconds.

Later on, we did some flogging. He had a pretty light suede flogger, so i was able to swing quite hard with little effect. i began to vary the intensity by snapping the flogger to increase the sting, and then switching right to some heavy swings. It was so great to watch his reactions and watch him let go and release some of the tension he had been building up that weekend. We both had a wonderful time. i later found out that he lives close to Oakland - which i'll be visiting tomorrow as a matter of fact!

Well, looks like i made up for an absence of writing no?

On a roll...

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 03:37:56 GMT

i found my way to some of the customize features. Yes yes, i know its pretty low tech, but for me it's amusing.

Skipped the gym today, been feeling pretty tired. Did a kickass workout yesterday though.

Another rough day at work, but managed to set up a doc's appointment for a checkup. Been meaning to do that for months.

Off to sleep for me!